


Two Worlds

by emilyhbr4



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton's Sister - Freeform, Drinking, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:29:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9127771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyhbr4/pseuds/emilyhbr4
Summary: Alexander Hamilton and his sister, Sarah, have a rough home life. Alex does everything he can to get his little sister out of the house and to college, where she falls in love with his roommate, John Laurens. They struggle when their past mixes with their present. Jealousy. Anger. Love. Sadness. It's a rollercoaster all around.





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> In collaboration with @desperatepenguin722 on tumblr

“Sarah…” he breathed. He whispered it her name on her neck like it was a secret. “Sarah…” he repeated, climbing up her neck with kisses; some rough, some tender. Eventually, he made his way to her mouth and attacked it with such force that a smile reached her lips. She brought her hands up to his hair and ran them through it, flipping him over so that she was underneath him. 

Suddenly, the door to her room whipped open and Sam was ripped off of her. She looked past him to see her brother standing at the foot of her bed, his eyes narrowed and his arms crossed. “Who the hell is this?” He screamed. Sam lied next to you, propped up on one elbow, completely motionless.

“A-Alex, you’re home!” She stuttered, sitting up in the bed. “You didn’t tell me you were coming home.” He hadn’t been home in a year. Why would she have any reason to expect he would come bursting through the door?

He stood in front of her, staring down Sam with such intensity that you could feel it in the air. “I wanted it to be a surprise. Now, I’ll repeat my question. Who the hell is this?” His voice made a growly noise when he asked again. He looked like he was about to attack the boy.

“This is Sam, and he’s leaving.” Sam gave her a glance and then got up and pulled his shirt on as she pushed him out the door. Before closing the door on him, she gave him a look that said, ‘I’ll explain’ later, and then he was gone. Due to pure luck, she was fully clothed.

“Yeah, you better get the hell out!” Alex screamed after him, which she thought was unnecessary. He turned back to her, his face red from anger. She took a step back, afraid of him for the first time in her life. “What are you doing?”

“I-I don’t know,” she stuttered. She never stuttered anymore. She wasn’t supposed to be someone who was afraid anymore. Yet, here she was, the same scared little girl she used to be.

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know?” He replied immediately, basically biting her head off with his words. “You’re a senior in high school. You should be studying, not making out with random guys!”

Her eyes narrowed. That was where she drew the line. Who was he to tell her what to do anymore? It had been a year. It was her turn to yell. “I study all the fucking time! You have no clue! You’re not around anymore, Alex! You don’t know what it’s like!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He immediately shot back. “I’m out there working and I’m going to school just so you and mom can-“ he paused for a moment, shaking his head. “You know what? Nah. I’m not going to waste my breath.” He went over to the corner of her room where she had a few vodka bottles stashed. He grabbed the last half full bottle and stormed out of the room. “Mom told me,” he spit before slamming the door behind him.

Sarah took a few steps toward the door so that her nose was almost touching it. “Maybe I need your help, Alex!” She screamed, putting both of her hands on the wood. 

Alex left a year before for college and hadn’t been back since. He didn’t even tell her where he was going. He left his little sister alone with their drunk of a mom. He slumped down against the other side of the door and said quietly, “I’ve tried to help you. I’ve tried.” 

She let her hands fall to her side. “You haven’t been here in a year! How is that trying?” He had a lot of explaining to do. She felt abandoned. She felt unloved. He left her alone.

“I’m trying,” he said again through the door. It almost sounded like he had tears in his eyes. Still, that wasn’t a good enough answer for her. She walked away from the door and ran her hands through her hair, pacing the floor. 

Eventually, she said, “Please, just come back in.” She heard him stand up and turn the doorknob, but still he didn’t walk through the door. She stared at it, hoping it would open. It didn’t.

“Why did you ever start drinking?” He asked quietly. He couldn’t look at her while he asked. It was too difficult for him, while at the same time it was an easy answer for her. 

“It made everything more tolerable,” she said simply. “I didn’t have anyone to get me through what I was going through. You stopped calling.” It’s easy to make bad decisions when you don’t have anyone who cares what you do. She figured this out the hard way, but she didn’t know how to stop.

He still didn’t come through the door. “I wrote to you. My phone bill was too much. I had to cancel it.” He said it like it was obvious, but she had no idea. 

“I didn’t get any of those letters,” she replied. He didn’t say anything. He wasn’t expecting that response, so he shut his mouth. Neither of them was very good at being quiet, but with each other, they didn’t always have the words. 

Eventually, he opened the door. He didn’t come too close. He didn’t know what was acceptable anymore. “I’m so sorry,” he said, looking a bit guilty. She looked him in the eye from across the room and tried to understand. She tried to see it from his point of view, but she couldn’t. He never told her enough so that she could even try to understand.

“You left me here with her. All she ever does is scream at me now,” she said with a blank face. They both knew whom she was talking about. Their mother was the reason he left in the first place.

“I know. I always meant to get you out of here by now. You have to believe me.” He looked sorry, but so did she. They had both made mistakes.

Still, she was on guard. “Why should I? You just walked in here, called me a drunk, and screamed at me, just like her!” 

He looked down at the floor for a moment, but then looked up to meet her eyes. “I do it because I’m afraid! I did everything to get out of this house and now you’re turning into her!” He talked with his hands like he always used to. His lip quivered as he said, “I can’t lose you too.”

She shook her head, slightly in anger. “Yes Alex, you did everything you could to get out of here but somewhere along the way you forgot about me. You left one day and then you were just gone.” At least, that’s what it felt like. She hadn’t said any of this to anyone throughout the whole year he had been gone. She couldn’t stop the words from coming out of her mouth.

He took a slight step toward her. “I went to college because I had to escape! I had to escape just like you want to right now, but I always kept you in mind.” He was starting to get argumentative and she could never beat him in an argument.

There was still a bit of distance between them when she said, “I’m not turning into Mom.” He had said that a little bit ago, but it was still on her mind. 

Alex searched her eyes. “You will if you don’t stop.” 

“I have it under control,” she quickly replied through gritted teeth.

He still had the bottle in his hands. He held it up and said, “This doesn’t look like it.” 

She walked over to him and ripped the bottle from his hands, her eyes cast down to the floor as she brought it back to where it was. “You haven’t been here,” she said for the millionth time, her back to him. He sighed. He didn’t know what else to tell her. He had a plan. He was doing what was best for them, but he didn’t know how to get her to understand that.

“Let’s get emancipated,” she said in a rush after a moment.

Alex’s eyes softened and he ran a hand through his hair. “We can’t do that. You know they’d put you in foster care. I’m going to get you out of here, I promise.”

“Would that be so bad? I could go back. Maybe it would be better than here.” She didn’t look at him as she said this. She knew what his answer would be.

“There’s no way you’re going back. Not alone,” he replied quickly. They had been in foster care when she was eight. She didn’t remember much of it, but Alex remembered it all. His eyes were alit with a deep, dark fear.

There wasn’t much she could say in response to that. But, it got her thinking that Alex on his worst day could never be as bad as their mom on her best. Even angry, he seemed like the same old Alex, wanting to protect her. “Can I leave with you today, Alex?” She asked. “Please?”

His eyes looked tired. “You’re not eighteen yet. It would be kidnapping.”

“Even if you’re my brother? Are you sure?”

“That was my first plan,” he sighed.

She looked at him quizically. “You don’t have a plan, do you Alex?” 

“I’m going to get you out of here and with me. That’s my plan.”


	2. Who Are You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I-I don't know..."

“I’m going to get you out of here and with me. That’s my plan.” 

Alexander’s words rang in Sarah’s mind. It all sounded very heroic and serious, but lord, it wasn’t a plan. There wasn’t a specific day where she could turn around, leave this house, and never come back. She needed to know when she could leave. “When? How?” She asked, looking at him, her arms folded against her chest. “Alex, I don’t even know where you go to school.”

Another secret. When he was accepted to college and was expected to pay for it himself, Alex refused to tell anyone where he was going. He said he wanted to leave the past behind. She begged him the night before he left for answers to her questions, but he said he couldn’t tell her out of fear that their mom would find out. “I haven’t worked out the details, but I’ve been saving and,” he paused, shaking his head, “I know this is going to happen. You just have to trust me and apply to Columbia.”

Sarah closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. Of course her brother was attending Columbia. He couldn’t have picked something with a higher acceptance rate. That would have been ridiculous. After seeing the look of concern on her face he asked her, “How have you been doing in school?”

“My grades have been better,” she stated simply. Things had been slipping lately. Everything had been slipping lately.

He raised an eyebrow. “How much better could they be?”

“I might be failing a course or two,” she replied, not looking at him. Still, she could feel the holes he was burning in her head with his eyes. The Hamilton siblings didn’t fail. In fact, that was the last thing they were supposed to do. They were surrounded by failure. They couldn’t succomb to it.

As if it was too much for him, he took a seat on her bed while she stayed standing and watched him do so. Instead of yelling like she expected him to do, he ran his hands through his hair and asked, “What’s your GPA right now?”

“It’s a 3.8 overall, but it’s slipping this semester.” ‘A few classes’ meant three classes. ‘Slipping’ meant it was a full point lower this semester. She wasn’t about to tell Alex that, however. She could pick up her grades if she wanted to. She just hadn’t wanted to.

He seemed sort of surprised. She could look at him now that he wasn’t looking at her. It was a balance. “But, you’ve always been a great student. I can remember you studying every night. I would get mad because your light would keep me up.” 

He smiled a bit, remembering the times when the two of them shared a room. They grumbled about it back then, but Alex missed it now. Since then, Sarah had moved Alex’s bed out of the room and he had taken all of his stuff with him when he went to college. It was like he hasn’t been there at all.

“What are you doing now?” He asked innocently. 

She gave him a sideways glance. “You don’t want an answer to that question.” She hoped that would be enough of an answer for Alex, but nothing ever was. He pretended like he didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Oh, I most certainly want an answer to that question,” he replied with a cool stare. She glanced at him again, but then caught his eye and couldn’t look away. 

“I’m not home very often, Alex,” she said, skirting around the question still. 

“Where are you then?” He asked quickly.

“Here and there.”

His eyes narrowed as he let the awkward pause sit for a moment, your eyes still locked. “I know you’re diverting from the question. Just answer me. Where have you been?”

Finally, she broke away from their competition of who could stare at one another the longest. She was conceding again. There was something about Alex that made her lose every battle. “Bars,” she paused, trying to find a not vulgar way of saying her next sentence, “then beds that aren’t mine.”

“No,” he said with wide eyes, seeing her in a whole new light.

“Things have changed.” She didn’t know what else to say. She had an explanation, but it was awkward. She wasn’t proud of it. She didn’t want to get into it, but it felt like she was going to have to.

“You could get STDs! You could get raped! You could be killed! What you’re doing is so illegal it’s not even funny!” He ranted, standing up in anger and pacing the room. 

She began to get defensive. “First of all, it’s not illegal. I’m seventeen, just in case you needed a reminder. Secondly, it’s always consensual. I stopped being a little girl the moment you walked out that door.” She pointed at the door with a quick motion and gritted her teeth, trying not to scream.

“Don’t blame this on me. You may be seventeen but you sure as hell need to grow up.” His words had an edge of disgust and anger to them. 

Sarah took a step away from her brother and looked down to the floor, her mouth open in surprise. She admired him more than anyone else in the entire world and his words completely crushed her. She had just started to feel comfortable around him again, safe, even. But that was gone. She was impossible to love.

He tried to reach out to her after realizing the severity of what he had said, but she pulled away. Still, he didn’t say he was sorry. “I’m trying to feel something, Alex,” she said after a moment. It was the only way she knew how to describe it. Tears brimmed her eyes but she tried to not allow them to fall. It seemed he was doing the same.

Alex wasn’t a stranger to the idea of sleeping with someone to make yourself feel something, but the difference was that it was his sister. He always had big hopes for Sarah, and he was watching them crumble. She was the one thing he didn’t expect to fall apart when he left. 

“Who are you?” He breathed. 

She looked up and caught his eye again. “I- I don’t know,” she finally said, and then completely lost it. Tears rushed down her face as she folded into herself. She had been ignoring the bad because she didn’t know how to fix it. 

The space between them closed for the first time as he walked over to her and wrapped him up in her arms. She didn’t pull away, breathing heavily into his neck. “Promise me you’ll quit this. Promise me you’ll get sober,” he whispered in her ear through shaky breaths, still not letting her go. 

“How am I supposed to do that without you?” It’s not like she had a support system at home with her mother. She was even worse off than Sarah was.

“You have to stay strong and have faith that I’ll come back. Can you do that for me?” He pulled Sarah’s face from his shoulder so that he could look her in the eyes, his hands on her jaw.

“I hope so,” she said in a small voice. It wasn’t much, but it was something. 

“I love you,” he said with a nod, as if trying to convince her. A small part of her didn’t believe him yet. 

“Promise me you’ll come home again,” she said seriously. If he could ask her to make promises, then so could she. More than anything, she just wanted Alex to be home. She wanted Alex to be her home. 

“Next time I do, it’ll be to take you with me,” he replied. It seemed noble, but she knew what it meant. It meant he wasn’t coming back for a long time; that he was going to leave again. She couldn’t blame him, but it still hurt.

“I can’t help but think that if you were around, things wouldn’t be as bad.” She needed somebody to lean on, and she didn’t have that. The closest thing she had was Sam, but then again, the two of them were just making out in her bedroom so he probably wasn’t friend material anymore.

He gave her a sad glance. “I know, I’m sorry.” He didn’t say he’d stay. She didn’t know why she kept expecting him to. “Can I take you out to lunch?”

“I’d love that,” she said with the best smile she could produce, though she knew it was lack luster. She led him down the stairs where she found her mother leaning against their kitchen counter, as if she had been waiting for the two of them for a long time.

“M-Mom?” Sarah stuttered. She cursed herself inside her head for stuttering. “Why are you home?” The words came out harsher than she meant for them to be, causing her mother’s calm face to turn into one of disgust.

However, her look of disdain was more pointed in Alex’s direction than Sarah’s. “I forgot my purse. Hello Alexander, funny you didn’t call me, again. Yet, here you are.” She got up from the counter top and motioned around the room.

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” he scoffed, taking Sarah’s arm and pulling her closer to him and slightly behind him. She didn’t need that protection with their mother anymore, but it was nice to have it. When they were younger, he used to hide her up in their room when she had her ‘episodes’. 

“It was a surprise for me too,” Sarah insisted, trying to make sure that her mother wouldn’t go beserk on her later. 

“Yeah, I’m sure it was,” she replied, spitting angrily in Sarah’s direction. Everything was always her fault, even when it wasn’t. That was just how things were. She had learned to let it go, but every once in awhile the insults piled up and Sarah fought back. Things were always worse when she fought back. “Well you two enjoy each other. I’m going to go back to work and feed this family.”

Alex chuckled bitterly, shaking his head and looking to the floor. “Is that what you tell people you spend your money on, Mom? To feed your daughter?”

Sarah whispered at a level that she thought was only audible to Alex. “I literally didn’t eat anything yesterday.” Her mother heard her anyways.

“You eat plenty,” she snapped with a glare.

“Only because I send money to feed her!” Alex exclaimed, raising the volume of his voice and taking a step towards his mother. 

Sarah looked at him in confusion. “What? Alex, how much money have you sent us?” Once again, she had no clue what was going on. Another secret.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied, brushing her off, yet again.

Their mother pushed past the two of them to get to the door and said, “I don’t have time for this.” Sarah’s words stopped her.

“No! You’re staying!” She screamed. Both Alex and her mother looked at Sarah in surprise. She almost never screamed, especially not in situations like these. But things were different. “We’re talking about this! Neither of you have told me anything!”

Their mom narrowed her eyes at Sarah. “You don’t tell me what to do, little girl. I am your mother and you will respect me.” She left without another word, slamming the door behind her. Sarah cringed at it’s sound, but then turned to Alex. 

“This isn’t fair!” She sounded like a little kid again. Alex shoved a hand in his pocket and ran the other through his hair. “Why won’t you tell me anything real? I can handle it.” She stood her ground with her arms folded across her chest.

“I’ve been working two jobs to send you and Mom money each month, okay?” He didn’t look at her.

Sarah’s face softened and she put her arms down by her side. “Alex, you shouldn’t be doing that.”

“I want you to have food and electricity.”

Sarah shook her head. “But you shouldn’t have to do that, Alex!”

“As long as you live here, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing.” He finally looked up at her. For once, he didn’t look sad, he just looked tired. Exhausted, even. Sarah didn’t know which was worse.

“It isn’t helping,” Sarah said with remorse. He looked confused, so she continued, “The money, it’s not helping. The electricity goes out all the time. We never have food in the house. I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t eat yesterday.”

“How often does she go out now?” He asked. This didn’t change anything. Sure, he would talk to his mom about where she was spending the money, but he wouldn’t stop sending any to her. Every time he sent her a check, he felt like he was doing something for Sarah. It had to be something.

“Most days, if not every day,” she replied.

“I can’t believe that’s where my money’s going. I’m sorry, Sarah,” he said with sincerity.

“It’s not your fault. It’s normal now. I’ve been going out too, so I usually don’t notice,” she shrugged, trying to play off like it wasn’t a big deal. She didn’t want to go home. It was as simple as that. 

“With what money?” 

Sarah paused. Alex always had to push, even when he knew he wouldn’t like the answer. “I don’t buy my own drinks.”

Sarah watched Alex’s heart break as he remembered again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on writing complicated relationships. This is my outlet. Things are going to get hella complicated, and that's a promise.
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	3. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to come here."

Two months later, life was different. After everything that Sarah talked about with Alex, she knew it was right to quit her bad habits. She stopped drinking, sleeping around, and started to pick up her grades. Lucky for her, it was working. She was struggling, of course, but things were different. She was making positive strides and that was all that mattered.

Almost exactly two months later, however, things weren’t so good. She took the train all the way to Alex’s apartment at Columbia because she had nowhere else to go. She couldn’t text him because she didn’t have his number, so she just planned to show up on his doorstep. She was nothing if not stubborn.

Sarah almost had second thoughts the moment she saw his door, but still she knocked on it softly. “Hold on, I’ll be just a minute!” Alex called out from inside the apartment.   
She breathed a sigh of relief knowing that she wouldn’t have to wait on his doorstep for him to come hom. Then, she shifted uncomfortably as she waited and wiped her face to make sure there weren’t any tears left on her face.

Eventually, Alex opened the door and started to say ‘hey,’ but was stopped by the image of his sister in his doorway. He looked her up and down quickly and saw the letter in her hand as well as the bag slung over her shoulder, and then he said, “Oh my god.” Swiftly, he pulled you into a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed to come here. I know I’m not supposed to even really know where you are, but I needed you. I asked the front desk which apartment was yours,” she rambled. 

He pulled Sarah into his apartment and closed the door behind her. “Are you okay? How’d you get here? When’s the last time you ate?” He rambled right back. 

“I’m okay, I took a train, and I don’t know, early yesterday?” Sarah replied, answering all of his questions. Then, she quickly added, “Mom doesn’t know.”

“Shit Sarah,” he sighed. “Not that I’m complaining, but what drove you here?” He looked at her nervously and she didn’t blame him. Nothing could ever just be simply wrong. All of their problems weren’t normal.

Her hands shook as she handed him the letter she was gripping tightly. “I-I got in.” The less she drank, the more she stuttered. She hated it with her entire being, but she couldn’t help it. 

Alex took the letter from her and scanned it, and then suddenly cheered and threw his arms around her as well, a huge smile on her face. “You got in, baby sis! You got in!” 

Sarah didn’t match his excitement whatsoever. She smiled at him sadly. “I got in, but I’m not going to school here.” 

Alex froze and pulled away from her. “What? Why not?”

“We can’t afford it, Alex. Don’t act like we can,” she deadpanned, looking away from him slightly. She had a better sense of what their financial situation was like after Alex came and visited. Still, Alex was smiling, so Sarah raised an eyebrow at him.

“I was waiting until your birthday,” he replied, trailing off and completely leaving her hanging.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“The only way I was able to come here was on a full ride. I haven’t had to pay for anything. I’ve been working two jobs,” Alex admitted, blushing a bit, “To pay for you. I’ve got almost fifty thousand saved between the two jobs and I’ve been working the entire time I’ve been here.”

Sarah completely melted. With a serious tone, she said, “Alex, oh my god.” After she watched him continue to smile, she squealed like a little girl and wrapped her arms around him, repeating, “Alex, oh my god!”

Alex chuckled a bit and held his sister tight, taking in joy of the moment he had been waiting for so long for. “I told you I’d find a way. You just have to trust me.”

“I trust you, Alex,” Sarah replied with a vigorous nod. She let go of him, but then hugged him again, unable to contain her excitement.

He had a wide grin plastered all over his face. “Good. Now let’s work on getting you some textbooks.”

“That’s a whole other challenge,” Sarah laughed slightly, trying not to be sad again. “Mom still has to let me come, you know. She’s been threatening me, telling me I need to stay home.” She shook her head, trying to shake out the memories of the past week.

“Your birthday is in two days, right?” Alex asked. Sarah was surprised that he remembered because she almost forgot half of the time. Sure, she was going to be eighteen, but no one really cared. It didn’t matter.

“Yes, you’re very observant,” she replied sarcastically. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’re staying here. Heavens knows Mom won’t know or realize the date until it’s too late. She probably won’t even realize you’re gone.” He said it like it was a good thing, but they both knew it wasn’t. They were trying to make light of the situation.

Sarah smiled and sighed. “As much as I love that idea, I still need to get my high school diploma.”

“True,” Alex cringed, slightly disappointed. “How much longer is the school year?”  
“4 months.” Sarah was counting down every day.

Alex bit his lip nervously and asked, “Can you make it until then? Then you can just pack up one day and leave. You’ll be eighteen and it’ll be perfect.” She laughed at the idea of perfect. The fact that he even thought things could be perfect was beyond her.

“I’m sure I can make it. I’ve made it this far, haven’t I? I stay with my friend a lot. He’s helped me through everything,” she explained. 

Alex stiffened up a bit at the mention of the friend being a boy. He crossed his arms and then asked, “Who’s this ‘friend’?” 

“He’s just a friend, Alex, I told you I’m done with that stuff.” She cracked a smile. “He’s been my ‘you’ lately.” That was an understatement. He had been her rock, especially on nights that she wanted to relapse. 

Alex smiled softly, relieved that the boy really was just a friend. “What’s his name? I’d like to thank this young man.” Sarah rolled her eyes at the words ‘young man’. He sounded like a father.

Sarah bit her lip. “Sam?” Then quickly she added, “You don’t have to thank him, I do every day.”

“Sam? As in the Sam I found you making out with on your bed the day that I surprised you?” Alex asked, not convinced anymore that the boy was just a friend. If it were him, he might’ve had alterior motives.

“Yes, that Sam, but I swear there’s nothing there.” After Alex came over, Sarah immediately went to Sam’s to explain what had happened. He was completely understanding and they agreed to just be friends. He had kept his promise and hadn’t made any moves on her. She had even tried a few times, but he always stopped her.   
“We’re trusting each other, remember?” 

Alex sighed as his face softened. “Alright. I’d like to send him a care package of sorts. High school can be stressful.”

Sarah was about to tell him that it was fine and that he didn’t need to send anything, but then she thought about Sam’s situation. “What if you just sent him some money? That’s what he really needs.” Sam’s family only did slightly better than theirs. He gave up a lot for Sarah to be able to stay with them as often as she did.

“How much?” Alex asked curiously.

“As much as you would have spent on gifts. He’s done everything for me, Alex. You have no idea,” Sarah replied, shaking her head thinking about Sam.

“If I give you seventy five dollars, would that be enough?” Alex asked with a smile.

“Anything is enough.” She paused as he wrote the check on his counter and handed it to her. “Alex, I’m so glad you came back when you did. I was really falling off the edge.”  
“Hey, my big brother senses were tingling,” he chuckled. Sarah laughed at his stupid, older brother joke. “I’ll always be right here to keep you from falling.”

Sarah grinned. “That was cheesy.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ve been sober since that day. Not a single drink.”

“I knew you could do it, little sis,” he beamed proudly.

“It hasn’t been easy. Mom doesn’t make it easy.” 

Alex squeezed her shoulder. “You’ll never be like her,” he replied.

There was a moment that Sarah just let those words sit. It was what she needed to hear, especially from Alex. “Alex, I can stay the night, right? We don’t need to call Mom?”

“Of course little sis, of course,” Alex grinned.

“Good! I want to meet your friends!”

Alex chuckled nervously at the thought of Sarah meeting college guys. That would be a whole different issue. “How about we hang out just the two of us tonight? We can order from any place you want.” 

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Well, you know I’m always down for sushi, but I was really hoping I’d get to meet Lafayette or John.” When Alex visited, he told Sarah all about his friends at college and she was dying to get to know them.

“You will eventually, I promise,” he smiled. He was trying to put off the inevitable. “Got a crush?” He teased.

“I don’t even know them!” Sarah exclaimed with a laugh. “Alex, I’m working on not sleeping with guys, remember?”

“A harmless crush never hurt,” he shrugged. 

“Right, but I think I’m all set.” She didn’t want to have feelings for anyone. That would just make her complicated life even more complicated.

Alex nodded in approval. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.” Sarah punched him lightly on the shoulder. She wasn’t very good at taking compliments, to say the least, because she wasn’t used to receiving them. But she was going be around Alex a lot more, so she knew it was probably something she needed to get used to. Everything was about to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop a comment or a kudos and I'll love you forever! (but like, especially comments. I love comments)
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	4. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why's your face getting red? Is it too hot in here?"

The day after graduation, Sarah left for Alex’s apartment. The only thing she left behind was a note on the kitchen table. Her mother knew that she had been accepted to Columbia, but she didn’t know that she planned on attending. Alex sent in the deposit money and he sent Sarah a train ticket. He was living up to his promises.

The summer was pretty uneventful. Alex’s friends went home and for a while they only had each other. However, they didn’t mind. They were making up for lost time. It was like he had never left. 

Sarah began to drink again. Alex made sure that she was doing so responsibly and took her out to get drinks every once in awhile. They knew that it would be very difficult to keep her from it in college, so the two of them decided that it would be okay as long as she only had a couple. 

Alex seemed to be just as over protective as ever, but he was also working on being Sarah’s friend. She left all of her friends at home and didn’t plan on returning to them. She told him that she wasn’t even going to go back for Sam. When he asked her why, she told him that the connection was just too strong and she wasn’t going to make him wait for her while she was figuring herself out in college. Alex thought that was a very grownup decision. 

On move in day, Alex helped her move into her dorm, which was a single. Sarah had been talking non-stop all day about various things. Alex knew it was because she was nervous and he found it incredibly amusing. He hadn’t seen her that happy in a long time.

“Alex! I can’t believe I’m finally at college! I can’t wait to meet all of your friends and go to parties-” Sarah rambled, sitting on Alex’s bed in his apartment and looking through her class information.

“Yeah, you’re not going to parties, at least, not in this dorm.” He looked over at her with his ‘older brother protector’ look, but then quickly cracked a smile. The two of them were trying to keep things light on her first day. She was happy. There was no need to ruin that.

“Alex, I’m not a little kid anymore,” She whined, but both of them knew it wasn’t real. It was sort of a game the two of them had started to play.

“But you’re still my kid sister,” he smiled. Sarah rolled her eyes in fake disgust at the word ‘kid’. “Hey, being young isn’t such a bad thing. You should stay a kid for as long as you can.” She smiled, but knew that she had stopped being a kid a long time ago.

Suddenly, a man with freckles and curly hair tied up in a ponytail burst through the door. Sarah thought it was incredibly rude, but Alex smiled widely at the sight of the man. Still, she couldn’t help but stare at him. “Hey when’s your kid sister supp-“ the boy stopped dead in his tracks, noticing her for the first time. He looked embarrassed at first, but then cracked a smile. “Well, hi.”

A smile appeared on her face and she blushed. Whenever she blushed, her face turned beet red. It was really noticeable. “Hi, I-I’m Sarah,” she stuttered. She cursed herself for fucking stuttering again. Even Alex looked at her with a pointed stare, wondering wy she was nervous. God, she needed to pull herself together.

Alex, of course, was completely oblivious in the end. He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “Why’s your face getting red? Is it too hot in here?” He got up and messed with the thermostat, as if that was going to fix your embarrassment.

The boy walked up to her and extended his hand. “John Laurens.”

Sarah stood up and shook his hand, suddenly noticing how sweaty her palms were. “What are you majoring in?” The standard question. It was a start.

He smiled at her. “Marine Biology. I really love ocean life. How about you?” 

“Political science. Alex here isn’t the only smart one in the family.” She gave Alex a smile, trying to coax him away from the thermosat. If she had to talk to John alone any longer, she was definitely going to say something stupid, and first impressions meant everything to her.

Taking the bait, Alex walked over and rolled his eyes at her. “Never said I was, just said I was smarter than you.” He smiled and wrapped an arm around you. She responded with a fake glare. It was clear he was no longer oblivious to why your face was so red.

John chuckled. “Book smart, maybe, but Alex isn’t so street smart.” This was news to her.  
She laughed at Alex, raising her eyebrows in confusion. “Not street smart? I feel like there’s some stories you need to tell me,” She said to John. John just continued to smile at her, then opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but Alex quickly covered it.

“Nope I’m perfectly street smart in every way and John, don’t you have class? Oh, looks like you do! Well, bye!” Then, in typical Alex fashion, he pushed John out the door. He tried to protest, but knew there was no stopping Alex at that point, so he just laughed and let it happen. She giggled, watching him go.

“What was that? We were just making conversation,” she said, trying to stifle a laugh.  
“He was going to expose me and I can’t have that on your first day of college. Besides, if anyone exposes me it’ll be me.” He sat on the bed, flipping through your class schedule as if what he said was nothing.

“Okay, so tell me everything before I go to Lafayette’s party tonight and they tell me.” She smirked. “Yes, I know there’s a party. Nice try hiding it, though.” Lafayette had stayed at Alex’s apartment for a few weeks when Sarah first arrived and they had quickly become friends. Eventually, he had to go home to France, but he did make sure to tell her that there was a party happening. Luckily for her, they kept in touch.

“My friend’s are all flirty when they get drunk, which means they’ll all try flirting with you because you’re beautiful,” he groaned. 

“Alex,” she said, plopping down on the bed next to him and wrapping an arm around his neck, “It’s going to be fine and besides, your friends are cute.” She loved making Alex uncomfortable. It was entertaining.

“Exactly!” He replied, groaning even more.

“You’re my brother and I love you, but Alex, we go to the same college, so you’re going to have to get used to me – well- not being the little girl you shared a room with.” She said it as a joke, but there was underlying truth to what she said. She knew he still saw her as a little ten year old who needed his help with everything. When she cleaned up her act, he went back to seeing her as she was before. 

“That doesn’t mean I have to bear witness to it,” he cringed. She gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I like your friends! You’re not going to tell me not to hang out with them, are you?” She didn’t know what she would do if he said yes. She really liked Lafayette and she really liked John. She wanted to get to know him better.

He sighed. “Just not drunk.”

“Me or them?” She laughed. He glared at you, knowing perfectly well it could and probably would be you. “Okay, okay chill, I just don’t have any other friends yet, Alex.”

“You will if you go to this party,” He chuckled.

“Perfect! Then let’s go to the party!” 

Alex sighed. “Fine, but one rule.”

“Oh god, what rule?” She groaned. That was never good. There was always ‘one rule’.

“If you see anyone wearing magenta anything, walk the other way.”

“Magenta is a very specific color, but I guess I can do that,” she shrugged. It didn’t seem like a big deal, but it was to Alex for some reason. She promised herself that she would comply, no matter how drunk she was.

“It’s who wears it,” he basically spit.

“Who wears magenta? Another one of your enemies?” She asked. Alex had a bunch of enemies in high school. His friends always had to defend him for the stupid stuff he did.  
“A despicable man. You’ll hear about him on campus. He’s the captain of the football team. Thomas Jefferson.” He scowled. His mind became clouded with thoughts of this ‘Jefferson’ person.

“Okay, so now that I’m aware of this Thomas Jefferson person, can we pleaseeee go to the party?” She asked, giving him the best puppy dog eyes she could produce.

“Fine, but I’m keeping an eye on you.”

Sarah laughed. “I hope all eyes are on me.”

“I’m going to have to beat someone up. I already know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop a comment or a kudos (especially a comment) and I'll love you forever!
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	5. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Usually when you flirt you don't tell someone you're flirting with them."

Later that night, Sarah showed up at Lafayette’s party with a big smile on her face. Alex trailed behind her, but his look was a little less excited. His guard was up, and she knew why. When Sarah changed for the party, she put on something a little more revealing than Alex was used to. He argued with her for a few minutes, but she eventually won. It was her body and her life, so as far as she was concerned, Alex had no say in what she wore.

Alex started to follow her around the party, but eventually Sarah was able to lose him in the crowd. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be with him, it just looked kind of lame to have her older brother trailing behind her. He found a couple friends that Sarah didn’t know and started to have a good time while still keeping an eye on her from afar. 

At some point, Sarah went to go grab a beer. She felt okay about it, considering Alex was there too and she knew her limits. The man standing at the keg handed her a drink with a wide grin plastered all over his face. He was wearing the very noticeable color of magenta, something that Alex had warned her about, so she just took the beer and smiled. He winked at her and she blushed, but it seemed like he was going to try to start a conversation, so she quickly walked away and found Lafayette.

“Lafayette! It’s so good to see you again! Thank you for inviting me, and for hiding it from Alex.” Sarah smiled, sipping on her beer. 

He downed a shot himself. “B-But of course! How are you liking it?” She had never seen Lafayette drunk before. She liked it. His French accent came out more than normal.

“I love it! You all have been so nice and accepting,” she paused, grabbing a shot herself, “Wow that was good.” She preferred alcohol that didn’t really taste like alcohol, and that was a perfect fit.

He chuckled. “Cranberry vodka.”

She and Lafayette talked and laughed for what seemed like hours, but she knew it probably wasn’t that long. Yet, she drank enough for it to have been hours. 

“Have you seen John?” She asked suddenly with a slight slur. She didn’t want to seem desperate and she told herself before she came that she would let him come to her. Drunk Sarah did not agree.

He grinned as if he knew something. “Why mon amie?” He asked, his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face. He was handling his alcohol much better than her. She rolled her eyes at him.

Alex watched Sarah from across the room, noticing that her body language was becoming more flamboyant. Still, he stayed where he was. He was working on trusting her. He could trust her.

“He’s very nice,” she said, then paused, thinking a few things over. “Alex told me not to talk to any of you while drunk. But, I’m only tipsy, so I’m getting around the rules.” She laughed as she thought about her own joke. 

He chuckled loudly. “You’ve got a crush on freckle face!” Her eyes went wide with fear, but then she broke out into laughter again.

“Shh! You’re so loud!” She exclaimed.

Suddenly, Lafayette grabbed her hand and pulled her through the maze of the party. She didn’t really care. At the point, she didn’t really care about much of anything at all. Then, before she knew it, she was standing in front of freckle face himself. She almost ran into him, but he caught her before she could.

“Are you drunk?” He asked with a slight laugh.

“Well, if Alex asks, I’m only tipsy and you’re sober. Are you sober?” She rambled, looking up into his eyes with wonder. Her feelings were heightened more than they normally would be. All she wanted to do was kiss him right then and there. She knew the alcohol probably had something to do with it.

“Yes,” he chuckled. “Why does Alex want you sober?” She could tell he was laughing at her.

“He’s scared that you’ll flirt with me,” she whispered. Then, she burst out into laughter too. It was a fun side effect that came with drinking for her.

John leaned into her ear and whispered, “Well, he isn’t wrong.” She smiled and blushed, laughing again, and the little bit of embarassment was gone in seconds. 

“Oh thank god,” she laughed. “I’m going to flirt with you too, okay?”

“Usually when you flirt you don’t tell someone you’re flirting with them,” he smiled. Clearly, he found the whole situation incredibly amusing. She wasn’t very discreet, but she didn’t really want to be. At this point, she was practically leaning on him.

Her eyebrows knit together, thinking about what he said. It was probably true, but she couldn’t remember. “I guess that’s true,” she concluded. “God, I’m screwing this up! I’m sorry.” Then, tears began to brim her eyes. Her range of emotions was not very limited at that point. Two seconds ago, she was laughing at everything she or someone else said.

John wrapped an arm around her shoulders, leading her into the kitchen where it was quieter to try to calm her down. “It’s actually adorable,” he assured her. Sarah started to smile again.

She looked up at him with doe like eyes and whispered, “Alex is going to kill me.”

John brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. “Why?”

“Because of this,” she whispered, standing on her toes and leaning into kiss him.

John pulled back suddenly. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” He shook is head. “Not when you’re drunk.” She stepped back, feeling the weight of rejection on her shoulders. The tears came back. John could only stare at her. He didn’t regret his decision, but he hated making her upset. 

After a moment, she looked at the floor and said, “Oh, okay, I’m sorry.” Then, when she had a moment of adernaline and courage, she looked up at him and said, “But for the record, I would have done that sober.”

John smiled sadly. “I hope so,” he paused for a moment, looking into your eyes that did not waiver. “Now let’s go find your brother.” Then, he led her to Alex and walked away without another word.

“Hey how are you enjoying the party?” Alex asked with a genuine smile on his face. If she was with John, he knew she was safe. 

She watched John walk away, then turned to Alex and quickly asked, “Can we go home?” She could feel the tears forming again, so she tried not to look directly at him.

“Yeah,” he said, looking at her curiously. “You feeling okay?”

She wiped a tear and stuttered, “I-I just had a few too many, I’m sorry.” 

Alex led her away from the party before saying, “It’s fine, Y/N, don’t worry. I’m glad you know when you’ve had enough. Did John say anything to upset you?” He gave her a concerned look. He wasn’t one to pry when someone was vulnerable.

“No, Alex I’m fine, I’m really fine,” she said, choking on the word ‘fine’ the second time she said it.

Silently, Alex guided you into the car. Then, with a forced smile he said, “Okay, let’s get you back then.”

“Did you not drink? Why am I a total mess and you’re fine?” She asked, leaning back in her seat and closing her eyes in embarassment. 

Alex got into the drivers seat, then glanced over at her and smiled. “No, I didn’t because if something started to go down, I wanted to be able to handle it. I don’t drink when it’s you.”

She thought back to other nights that Alex had been with her when she had too much to drink. He had never had much, maybe one or two. She hadn’t noticed before. 

“Oh, well that’s really sweet of you big bro, but I’m fine,” she said, quickly brushing it off. “Really, totally, utterly,” she sighed, “fine.” She couldn’t hide anything. She wanted to shut her own big, fat mouth.

Alex looked at her with doubt. He had always been really good at reading you, but tonight it wasn’t very hard. “I’m not going to keep pressing it tonight, but tomorrow we’re talking more about this.” Sarah sighed.

“Alex, I’m really okay on my own!” She exclaimed, then went to get out of the car and stumbled. “Well, maybe you could just help me get to bed…”

Alex chuckled and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Uh-huh. I’m staying at your dorm tonight.” Then, he helped her up the stairs.

She groaned. “Night one and I’m already a total fuck up in your eyes.” She flopped down onto the bed dramatically and tried to close her eyes, but the room started to spin.

Alex went to take her shoes and coat off and she let him. “No, my first party was a huge screw up on my part.”

“What’d you do?” She pressed, sitting up slightly.

Alex went to her kitchen and started filling up a glass of water. “You really want to know?” He asked, looking back at her.

“Yes, I really want to know! And, if you’re lucky, I might not remember this in the morning,” she laughed, knowing that wasn’t true.

“I hope not,” he muttered. “Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath, “I may have kissed Hercules and then threw up in his kitchen sink full of dishes. I was very drunk, like, I should’ve gotten alcohol poisoning.” Her mouth opened wide in shock. Alex wasn’t a kid that screwed up. Her mom was always telling her to ‘be more like Alex’. He always did well in school and never got in trouble. This new information was unbelievable.

“Holy shit. Holy SHIT.” She burst out in a fit of laughter. “Big bro!”

Alex grimaced. “As I said before, I was extremely drunk. So,” he grinned, “don’t feel too bad about tonight. It’s actually really responsible that you got out of there before you did anything you’d regret.”

“Oh, well then I guess I’m not that responsible.” She thought about her previous experience with John. A deep sense of regret filled her. It’s not that she wished she hadn’t tried to kiss him, she just wished he had reciprocated.

Alex smiled at her curiously. “You’ve always been more responsible,” He assured her. Then, he walked over to her and gave her a glass of water. “Here, drink this then you need to go to bed. I would help you get changed but I’d rather not be scarred for life.”

“Ew, gross, no I can do that on my own.” She laughed. She was passed out within minutes. Alex slept on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to every single person who is reading this. i've worked really hard on it, and I appreciate all your kudos and comments! especially comments :) 
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	6. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, what's the last thing you remember?"

The next morning, Alex got up before Sarah and started to make breakfast. Sarah sleeping soundly until Alex purposefully banged a pan against the counter to wake her up. When her eyes shot open, he acted like it was a mistake.

“Alex, I have a headache,” she groaned, shoving her face into her pillow.

Alex smiled and motioned to the table where a plate, a bottle of Gatorade, and ibuprophen were set out. “Good morning sunshine,” he smiled. The scowl disappeared on Sarah’s face when she saw the omlettes that he was putting onto plates. She sat up and looked at him curiously.

“You’re the best and you’re being weirdly nice,” she said, walking over to take the pills and drink the Gatorade.

“I have no idea what you mean,” he replied innocently. She raised an eyebrow, but he went on with what he was doing, not paying any attention to her at all. He put the omlettes on the table but then, his phone buzzed and he checked it and rushed out the door. It was all very unike him. “Gotta go! Enjoy breakfast!”

“Wait, don’t leave me alone!” She called out, but he didn’t listen. She sighed. “And, I’m alone.” 

Without any warning whatsoever, John walked in from the bathroom. “Hey, morning.” He sat down at the table like it was nothing. Sarah’s mouth hung open slightly as she watched him, the events from the night before rushing back into her memory.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, dumbstruck.

“Alex asked me over for breakfast. Speaking of, where’d he head off to?” He asked, taking a bite of the omlette in front of him. Sarah was still incredibly confused. Why would Alex invite John over for breakfast?

“I don’t know, he got a text, said he had to go, then just ran off,” She muttered. She stared at the table, not wanting to look the man in the eye.

“Typical Lexi. Anyways, how’s your hangover?” He asked, taking another bit of his omlette and munching on it. She would have laughed at him calling her brother ‘Lexi’ if she weren’t so confused and tired.

“Fine…” She trailed off, looking at him curiously when he wasn’t looking at her. She hadn’t taken a bite of her own food.

“So,” he took a sip of coffee, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I don’t forget anything when I’m drunk,” she said, rubbing her temples.

“Good, I would’ve recapped it for you if you hadn’t remembered, though,” John chuckled.

She put her head in her hands, trying to block out the light. “I’m so embarrassed.”

John smiled at her. “Why darlin’?” There it was, that southern charm Alex had talked about. He had a slight accent, but when he said stuff like ‘darlin’, it really came out. She didn’t even have a moment to swoon over it, because she was so mad at his obliviousness. Last night was a mistake.

Sarah looked him straight in the eye. “You rejected me, remember? Or is this all just a funny game that you’re playing?” Sarah immediately started to think that Alex might be wrong about John. Maybe he was just a playboy that didn’t really even want to be with her. Maybe her attraction was all one sided.

“That’s not how I remember it,” John said, confused. 

“What’d you mean? You didn’t kiss me!” She exclaimed, the anger evident in her voice.

“Yes, I didn’t kiss you,” he said calmly. Then, quietly, he continued, “I just didn’t want to do something you’d regret or were only doing because you were drunk.” Her face flushed red, the anger slightly draining out and the embarassment flooding back in.

“Maybe I needed to get drunk to have enough nerve to kiss you…” She said with a bit of courage.

John pushed his plate away and leaned over to her, looking straight into her eyes as he got within a centimeter of her lips. “And now?”

“Thank god,” she said, sighing into the kiss.

John rested his forehead against hers after both of them broke away from the kiss. Sarah kept her eyes closed to remember the moment. “This is what I wanted you to remember.”

“I’m never going to forget this.”

He kissed her again softly and then put his hands on hers. “Me either. I’m sorry if you took last night as a rejection. I felt so bad when I saw you leave.” She remembered watching him leave as well. It wasn’t the prettiest sight. She felt sick to her stomach just thinking about it.

“Maybe it was for the best. Alex, he wouldn’t have been happy if we kissed while I was out of it,” she stated, thinking of her brother and the repercussions that would follow.

“Agreed. I really don’t want to get on your brother’s bad side,” John laughed. Alex was slightly terrifying when he wanted to be.

“Do you think he’ll be okay with us in general? He was never a fan of any of my boyfriends in high school.”

John smiled. “Why do you think he invited me?” Then, he asked, “Who’d you date in high school?” She felt her throat constrict just thinking about it.

“He’s such a player!” She exclaimed, talking about Alex. Then, she cleared her throat and said, “Oh, just really terrible people. I had no back bone in high school.” There were a couple things that she was clearly leaving out, but more information would come with time.

“If we would’ve gone to high schools together I would’ve so stolen you away from all those losers.” He said, taking her hands and gripping them, a smile still plastered on his face.

“We wouldn’t have been friends in high school. You would’ve been too good for me,” She said, shaking her head.

“Uh, I think it would have been the exact opposite,” he said with an interested look on his face.

“I was a mess,” she assured him. “You can ask Alex.”

“Maybe I like messes,” he said with a goofy grin.

“Then you’re about to be the luckiest guy in the whole world!” She exclaimed, kissing him and laughing again. 

John chuckled and kissed her back. “We can be messes together.” For a moment they stayed there, Sarah resting her head on his shoulder and smiling, enjoying the moment.

“My head hurts and I need a nap, but I have class” she eventually sighed. Her hangover was hitting her hard. They used to not be as bad, but she hadn’t been drinking as much lately. “Don’t ever let me drink like that again.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have let you if I had seen you more.” He said with a knowing look.

“It’s probably a good thing that I didn’t see you more last night.” He just laughed in response.

As John went to clean up the dishes from breakfast, Sarah leaned over to text Alex. ‘I can’t believe you did that’, she sent.

‘Did what?’ He sent back immediately, as if he had been waiting for her to text him since he left.

‘Don’t act innocent Alex.’ 

‘About?’

‘Leaving me here with John? By myself?’

‘But did it work?’

‘It might’ve worked, but you still suck ass. You left your hungover sister alone with the boy she likes.’

‘Hey, I trust John. He’ll take care of you too.’

Sarah looked up from her phone and caught John’s eye. “How much older are you than me?” She asked.

He cocked a brow as he scrubbed a pan. “That depends, how old are you?”

“I’m a freshman, so, 18,” she said as if it was obvious.

John grinned. “I’m twenty. So two years.” He raised his eyebrows. “Underage drinking, huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “Chill. You were drinking too. So, you’re Alex’s age. Great.” Her tone wasn’t exactly ‘estatitic’ about that fact.

“Is that a bad thing?” He looked at her from the sink as he finished the dishes. She almost felt bad, but then she didn’t. She was hungover and he was being nice.

“It’s just… Alex tells me what to do all the time. He’s very overprotective because he’s two years older and our dad was never really in the picture. So, I just don’t want you to- how do I say this nicely- act like Alex,” She rambled. He was getting a small glimpse into her life, but she really didn’t want to get into it yet. Luckily, he didn’t push.

John thought it over for a moment. “Well, I’m not really overprotective as much as I’m… I guess I just make it clear that you’re mine,” he shrugged, going to sit back at the table with her.

“I don’t mind that,” she smiled  
.  
“Good, because I’m not letting anyone steal you away from me.”

“Day one and you’re already mine,” she laughed.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Sarah leaned over to text Alex again because her first class was in less than an hour and they happened to have it together. He was supposed to walk her there. ‘Where did you go? Are you coming back?’ 

‘Nope! Have fun with John ☺’ It seemed Alex had other plans.

“That’s Alexander I presume?” John asked, putting an arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah, I was texting him to see where he ran off to. I have my first class today, so I’m a bit nervous and he was supposed to take me.”

“Oh cool, what class?” He smiled. His smile melted away her nerves.

“Speech and debate… god I know my stuff for class is here somewhere. Nothing is unpacked yet.” She got up and started looking through boxes. 

John got up and helped her look, although he probably didn’t know exactly what he was looking for. “You have you your first class with your brother? That might be rough.”

“It might be,” she laughed, “but I was actually sort of looking forward to it. When he left for college he basically never came home. When he did come home, it wasn’t easy going. I missed him, though.” Her smile was sad. Nothing was every easy for the Hamiltons’. 

John smiled and handed her the materials she needed. “That’s really sweet. Alex honestly never stopped talking about you, which is how I fell-” he cleared his throat, “I got to know you so well.”

“You found them!” She looked at him in confusion, but decided to wait for another day to talk about how he ‘fell-‘. “Walk me to class?”

John nodded and grabbed the bookbag he had with him. “It just so happens we’re walking to the same class,” he grinned. He opened the door for her and the two of them began to walk through campus.

“You’re in this class too?” She asked with surprise.

John nodded. “It’s actually the class Alexander and I met in two years ago.”

“And you two are taking it again because…?” 

John scratched his neck nervously. “I, uh, we might’ve failed it and need the credits. Lafayette too.”

She laughed. “Oh nice! I can’t wait to kick your ass in this class,” she smirked, grabbing his hand as she walked.

“And what makes you think you’ll kick my ass?” He grinned.

“I happen to be very good at getting what I want,” She said, looking at him. “See?”

“Yeah, but I wanted you too. You’ll see how competitive I can get in debate,” he smiled.

Her eyes narrowed, but still she couldn’t help but smile. “You’re going down John Laurens.”

“Okay, that’s what you think,” he laughed as they approached the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to read some comments from you guys! Drop a comment or a kudos and I'll love you forever.
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	7. Debates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thomas Jefferson, A.K.A. the biggest and most popular douche on the campus."

Sarah and John both walked to class and found Alex already sitting in his seat in the lecture hall. “Alex! We were just discussing how I’m going to kick both of your asses in this class.” Sarah raised an eyebrow at him and smirked a bit, taking a seat next to him with John on the other side of her.

Alex leaned over and looked at John. “Is she serious?”

“I think so,” John laughed. “Remember, she is related to you.” With that, Alex let out a small chuckle and leaned back into his seat.

“I’m serious,” she announced, but then leaned over and whispered into Alex’s ear, “Hey can you come over after class? There’s some stuff we need to talk about.” She tried to keep the smile on her face, but it just wasn’t all there. 

Alex nodded, his eyebrows furrowing, then he looked over to John who began to talk to Lafayette. He had just walked in. “Everything okay?” He asked quietly.  
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I think we just need to talk,” She assured him. Alex nodded in response.

Lucky for Sarah, the professor walked in, cutting their conversation short. He probably would have pushed the envelope otherwise. “Good morning everyone!” He bellowed, taking control of the whole room in a split second.

“Whoa, is that actually George Washington?” Sarah whispered, marveling at the man. His eyes sparkled and his presence was encapsulating. He knew more than she ever hoped to learn in a lifetime.

“He’s our professor,” John nodded, whispering back.

George smiled. “I see many new faces in here, and some,” he said, glancing at Alex, John, and Lafayette, “familiar.” Alex blushed. Sarah wondered how the three of them actually managed to fail this class. She could never imagine letting someone like George Washington down.

“Wow, I’ve read all of his books! He’s amazing,” she whispered again.

Alex nodded. “But he can be a stick in the mud.” Sarah rolled her eyes. Alex could be a ‘stick in the mud’ too, so she was sure they butted heads pretty often.

George smiled at Alex. “Ah, Alexander! Since you’re so chatty today, you can go first at the first impromptu debate of the semester.” John tried to stifle a laugh. Of course Alex had to go first.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get you in trouble. Good luck!” Sarah grimaced, trying to put on a happy smile for her brother. This wasn’t the first time. She was always getting him in trouble.

Alex sighed and walked to the front of the class, flashing a smile back to Sarah to tell her that he was okay. George scanned the room and asked, “Anyone want to volunteer to go up against Alexander?”

A man in a magenta coat smirked and stood up. “I’m more than willing,” he said. Sarah’s eyes widened at the sight of him. She recognized him, but she couldn’t place from where.

“Who is that?” She whispered to John, trying to figure it out.

“Thomas Jefferson, A.K.A. the biggest and most popular douche on the campus. Captain of the football team. But don’t let his charming exterior fool you, he can get dark real fast,” John explained with an edge to his tone. Thomas Jefferson. Alex told her about him before the party, and then he served her a beer. She tried to look away, but couldn’t. 

“He seems like a douche,” she agreed with a nod of the head, studying his features. 

Thomas strode to the front of the class and grinned. “Alexander.” She could see the hate in her brother’s eyes. Even John scowled as he looked at the man.  
“Jefferson,” Alex replied, narrowing his eyes.

“Yes, well. Because you all know what a huge history buff I am, the first topic will be Bonnie and Clyde. True love or just two robbers obsessed with the perfect crime?” George proposed, looking at both of the boys.

“Oh, Alex is going to kill it on this. He knows way too much about history,” she told John.

Alex grinned, thinking the exact same thing. “They were definitely lovers. In fact, they met in the theater when Bonnie was trying to pursue acting. If their love started as something as innocent as this, there’s no way they could be just two young adults who shared the same crazy passion.”

George nodded. “Jefferson?”

Thomas scoffed. “Yeah and everything was all lovey dovey and they rode away on a white horse into the sunset. No, what happened was they met, realized they both shared the same hunger for chaos and rode into a partnership together. Bonnie probably realized she could never be taken seriously in a sexist society that was the Old West, so she needed a man to make her seem more powerful. Clyde realized that the only way he could get away with his plans is if he had help. That’s how they became involved.” When he finished Thomas looked at Sarah and flashed a smile.

“Damn,” John whispered, not noticing the direction of Thomas’s glance.

“Wow,” she said, amazed. “He was definitely looking at me, wasn’t he?” For a moment, she felt a little starstruck. 

John narrowed his eyes in Thomas’s direction. “He better not have been.” 

She blushed, but then regained her composer. “Alex is going to be so pissed that he lost.”

“Alright gentlemen, excellent debate. Although Thomas is the winner of this one, I expect you to be in the lead next time Alexander, eh?” George smiled. It seemed that debates between Thomas and Alex were a regular thing. She couldn’t wait to watch them again.

Alex glared at Thomas as they walked back to their seats. Thomas didn’t notice, however, because he was too busy winking at Sarah. She blushed and looked down at her hands. 

“Oh hell no, did he just wink at you?” John asked, completely pissed off. This time, he caught Thomas’s gesture.

“I think he just winked at me,” she said, surprised. “Don’t be too upset. Nobody knows we’re together yet.” Sarah placed a hand on his, trying to comfort him. He was certainly making it clear that you were his.

“I’m making it known then,” John growled before kissing you passionately. She melted into it for a moment before pushing him off of her. She wasn’t big on PDA. She liked John, of course, but she didn’t need to make out with him in the middle of a classroom.

“John, we’re in class. I’m not going anywhere,” she insisted, trying to calm his rage. He could tell she was angry by the look of displeasure plastered all over her face.

“Well now he knows you’re mine,” John said, glaring at Thomas. He didn’t notice how uncomfortable she was at all. His vision was too clouded by the jealousy that he felt towards Thomas.

“Hey I get that you guys are happy or whatever but I don’t really need to see you making out,” Alex whispered, glancing at the two of them in a slightly pissed manner.  
“Trust me, it wasn’t my idea,” she muttered, taking her hand off of John’s and slightly shrinking into herself. 

John just grinned and pecked her cheek while Alex rolled his eyes. Sarah smiled at him. How was he supposed to know that she didn’t like that kind of thing? She was going to tell him. She lived two lives and she was trying to leave the old one behind. She needed to talk to Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment or kudos and I'll love you forever!
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	8. Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was sick and tired of providing for someone that was supposed to be providing for him."

“So… we need to talk,” Sarah said to Alex, pacing the dorm after class. She tried to act like everything was normal, but she was clearly on edge after John decided to practically makeout with her in public. He seemed to take notice toward the end and began to touch her less. Then, when he tried to talk to her, she said that she needed to be with her brother for a little while. He understood, but he was upset. He just wanted to apologize.

“About?” Alex asked, seated on the bed. He was even more uncomfortable with the makeout session than Sarah was. It was unexpected coming from John.

“We have to talk about Mom. Things aren’t good at home. I don’t know if she’s going to be able to make the next payments and she certainly won’t talk to me about it,” Sarah rambled. She left her mother in a hurry but, now that she was gone, she couldn’t help but be worried about her.

Alex sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Did she get fired again?” This was a never-ending, exhausting conversation. Their mother was known for getting fired. 

“I don’t know. I think so. She kept going into work drunk and when I tried to talk to her about it she screamed at me, and then I had to be here, so I don’t know.” There had been practically radio silence between she and her mother since she left. A text to let her know that Sarah was alive was all she deserved.

He looked away and bit his lip nervously. “We can’t… We can’t keep giving her money. She’s going to have to learn to take responsibility for her actions.” She was afraid of that.

She sat on the bed with him and sighed. “Alex, you know she’s going to blame me if we don’t. She’ll say I talked you out of it.” Her mother’s approval shouldn’t have mattered, but it did. She couldn’t help that it did.

“But why should we be involved with her at all?” Now it was his turn to get up and start pacing. “I mean, we’re the kids after all. It’s not like she ever took care of us,” he said bitterly. He said that they were the kids, but they were never really the kids. Alex became an adult long before he should have. 

Sarah stood up and grabbed his hand. “I know, I know. I’m just so tired of her yelling at me. I’ll get a job. I can do both.” She seemed firm in her stance, but inside she didn’t truly believe her own words. She knew her classes wouldn’t be easy.

Alex narrowed his eyes. “No, I’m not letting you. You’re not- we’re not- doing that anymore.” He shook his head. Alex had worked for a long time. He was sick and tired of providing for someone that was supposed to be providing for him. “You know what? Call her. Right now.” There was anger in his tone that Sarah hadn’t heard in a long time. For a moment, she was almost scared of what he would do. More than that, she was scared of what her mother would say.

“Alex, I don’t want to call her! I’m afraid of her, Alex. Can’t you see that? If she doesn’t make the payments, she’ll come down here and get her money one way or another.”

He pulled out his phone. “Fine, then I will.” The defiance of his statement caused Sarah to sit down on the bed in defeat. She knew there was no fighting him on this. The conversation had been a long time coming. She shrunk into herself, thinking about her mother. She always made her feel inferior. 

Alex put the phone on speaker so that Sarah could listen. “Alex are you sure you want to do this?” She asked, moving closer to him. He was the one person that could make her feel safe with the only exception being John, but she was still exploring that.

Alex nodded as your mother picked up and he cleared his throat, trying to fight off nerves. “Alexander?” She asked with a surprised tone. Alex almost never called her. Sarah called her even less than Alex did. Even when she lived at home, she rarely spoke to her.

“She’s sober,” Sarah whispered. That was new. Her mother was never sober, but she could immediately tell by the tone of her voice. She wasn’t better either way. She was bitter when she was sober and she was angry when she was drunk.

“Mom, I have something to talk to you about,” Alex said, taking in a breath.  
“What is it?” She asked. She even seemed a bit nervous. Alex had always been the one to break her walls. She was never afraid of Sarah.

Sarah waited patiently for Alex for to speak, her legs bouncing and hands shaking. Everything about her mother gave her anxiety. Deep down, she knew that wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

Alex took a deep breath. “We can’t keep sending you money, Mom. I can’t keep working two jobs and go to school and I’m not letting Sarah get a job,” he said sternly, keeping his cool.

Their mom paused, realizing the reality of what he was saying. Their mother lived off of Alex. So did Sarah, but she had to. Their mother wasn’t supposed to. “W-What am I supposed to live on? Is she there?” She emphasized the word ‘she’, knowing that it was Sarah. The animosity she felt towards her own daughter was something Alex would never understand.

“I-I’m sorry,” Sarah whispered inaudibly. 

“You’ll find a way to survive. We always did. I’ll send a check next month, but that’ll be your last one,” he replied coldly. He didn’t answer the question about Sarah. He knew it would only make things worse.

“This isn’t fair!” She exclaimed, completely pissed. Her wording was odd. Nothing in their lives were fair, and she had the audacity to say that to them.

Sarah worked up the courage and spoke a little louder. “I’m sorry, Mom.” She hoped it would be the last thing she ever said to her.

“You’re not sorry!” She began to scream. Seeing the tears welling up in Sarah’s eyes, Alex quickly took action.

“You’ll be fine. Goodbye mother.” He hung up before she could respond, and then turned to Sarah. “You okay?” He had let her go a long time ago. This was a lot harder for her than it was for him. She was already dead in his eyes. Sarah had always given people too many second chances.

She breathed a quick sigh of relief. “No, but I will be.”

Alex held her tightly. “I’m sorry she ever put you through this.” He was always worrying about her and her feelings. It was nice after having a year of feeling no love at all.

“Alex, what if I end up like her? What if I go back to who I was and then become who she is? What if you were right when you came to visit that first time?” She asked him honestly. It had always been a fear of hers, especially since Alex accused her of becoming her mother when he came home.

Alex cupped her face and forced her to look into his eyes. “Listen to me. You are not her, and you will never be her. You were sober for almost a year before you came here. You’re not a drunk anymore. You’re not addicted like she is.”

“I was drunk last night with John at the party when you took me home. We thought it would be okay, but what if it’s not? I don’t want to be who I was, Alex.” She had a scared look in your eye. She had been having these thoughts for a while, but it was the first time she had voiced them to your brother.

“Having a drink every now and again doesn’t mean you’re a drunk. Getting drunk every now and again doesn’t mean you’re a drunk either,” he insisted.

Sarah nodded but didn’t quite believe him. She looked up at her brother with teary eyes. “Does John know?” She wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to be.

Alex shook his head. “It wasn’t my place to tell him.”

“H-He said that you used to talk about me a lot. What did you say then? You used to get so mad at me…”

Alex shook his head. “I told him… I told him about the girl that’s kind, that’s beautiful without trying. I told him about the light that shined through any darkness of mine no matter how deep. I told him about the smartest and most original girl I ever had the pleasure of calling my sister.” He looked at you and smiled. “I told him about the true you. The one that I missed.”

She wrapped her arms around Alex. “I’m sorry for all the things I did. I’m sorry for the shit I put you through. I-I didn’t know how to handle myself when you left.”

Alex held her tightly to his chest, stroking her hair. “It’s okay. I’m so sorry for leaving. I always meant to come back for you. I thought I could make enough and,” his voice cracked, “I was coming back for you, I swear.”

“This scholarship saved my life. You saved my life.” Her face-hardened and your eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t know to tell him, Alex. How do you tell someone something like that?”

Alex smiled. “With words.”

“Very funny, but I’m serious, Alex. He doesn’t know! What if… what if-“

“If he loves you, he’ll accept it. Love is unconditional, for better and for worse. Plus, everyone’s got baggage.” Sometimes Sarah wondered how Alex was only twenty years old. He acted more than his age all the time. She had to remind herself that, on some levels, he was still a kid too.

“Do I have to tell him?” She asked, looking at both of your hands interlocking.

“That’s completely up to you,” he replied softly.

“I think I have to. If she comes around here looking for money,” she paused, trailing off into her thoughts. “Stay here until he comes?” She texted John who quickly replied to say that he was coming. He wanted to apologize to her more than anything.

Alex nodded. “Always. Oh, and she won’t come around. I never included a return address on the checks.”

“She’s seen my acceptance letter, Alex. She knows where I am, at least. I didn’t think it was going to be a problem. I’m sorry.”

Alex shook his head. “Don’t apologize. I’ll make sure that she won’t come around here and, even if she does,” he kissed your forehead softly, “she can’t hurt us anymore.”

“You’re all I’ve got,” she said with a slight smile.

Alex smiled back. “Now you’ve got-” there was a knock on the door, “Speak of the devil.”

“Oh god.” Her stomach began to turn and then she called out, “C-Come in!”

“Do you want me to stay?” Alex whispered quickly before John came in.

“No, but keep your phone on you. If it gets bad, maybe you can explain it to him.” Both of her worlds were about to collide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop a comment or a kudos and I'll love you forever!
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	9. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How do you know that you love me?"

Alex nodded and left just as John walked in. They greeted one another before he left, then sat down next to Sarah and kissed her cheek. “Hey babe,” he said with an easy, nonchalant feeling. Sarah, on the other hand, was completely tense. 

She put a hand on his, mostly to feel his touch and feel a sense of comfort. “Hey, listen, there’s something we need to talk about,” she said, trying to keep herself together as best she could.

“Before you start, can I say something really quick?” He asked with a slight smile. She searched his eyes, looking for any sort of worry, but he just seemed sad.

“Um, yeah sure, of course,” she replied, surprised.

“I noticed that you got uncomfortable earlier in class when I kissed you and,” he shook is head, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that just because I was getting jealous.”   
Sarah smiled. She didn’t expect him to pick up on that. None of her previous boyfriends ever did.

“Oh, John it’s okay. You didn’t know and- sorry, there’s just stuff from my past that makes me uncomfortable with that much PDA.”

John ran his thumb across her knuckles. “Do you want to talk about it?” How did he always know what to say? That was what she needed to talk about, and somehow he knew. 

“Yeah, actually that’s exactly what I wanted to talk about. John, there’s a lot of stuff about me that Alex never told you, and when I tell you, if you think it’s all too much, you can leave. It’s okay. I won’t hold it against you. Maybe we can even still be friends,” she sort of rambled, trying to get everything out at once.

John furrowed his brows. “I would never leave you. Unless you told me you were a murderer or something, but even then I feel like you’d have a good reason for it.” He was trying to make you smile. It almost worked. Then, he said softly, “You can tell me anything darlin’.” There it was, that southern accent that made her melt.

She looked down at her hands. “I used to be someone that got drunk a lot. Too much, in fact. I made a lot of terrible decisions. I let everyone down. My mom, well, she’s worse than I am. Alex and I paid for her life up until today. Alex never used to come home, but I was stuck there and she took all of her anger out on me, while at the same time Alex would be mad at me for all the mistakes I was making. My ticket here was a ticket out, but I’ve got a lot of baggage.” It wasn’t the full story, but it was a start.

John gently tilted her head up so her eyes met his. “I’m so sorry, you never, ever, deserved that. I would never leave you because of that. I’ve got baggage too.” He was just being nice, and she knew it. He probably wanted to run. Sarah would have wanted to run.

“You don’t have to be the good guy here, John,” she whispered.

“I’m not being the good guy,” he replied, looking deeply into her eyes. “I just love you.” The word love made her pause. The only people that ever told her that they loved her were Alex and a boy she hadn’t talked to in months.

“How do you know that you love me? We’ve only just met, really,” she said, trying not to let herself believe him. Believing everything that someone else says is a weakness.

“In person, yes. But Alexander has talked about you for three years now,” he said, smiling. “I fell in love with who you were long before I knew I’d ever meet you.” She blushed, and then laughed a little.

“He must have said some pretty nice things.” She paused. “John, you said you have baggage. Do you mind…?” She thought that if maybe he told her a few things about himself, she would stop feeling so pathetic. It didn’t seem like he was going anywhere at this point, but she still need to be careful.

John looked down nervously. “I’m actually kind of surprised Alex didn’t tell you.”

“I didn’t know much about you before I came, I guess.” Also, Alex wasn’t one to go spilling other people’s secrets. It was one of the things she loved about him.

John nodded. “My dad’s uh… my dad’s an alcoholic.” As he said it, he looked like he was contemplating the very fact. He clasped his hands together and looked down at the ground, deep in thought.

Softly she replied, “I’m sorry, John. I know how that feels.” 

“I got really depressed for awhile and I did some things I’m not proud of. But that was a long time ago.” He still didn’t look up at her. He looked ashamed of something, but Sarah didn’t know what.

“You can tell me anything,” she said with a light smile, trying to coax it out of him. She was hoping that her relationship with John could be an open one where they told each other everything.

John bit his lip. “I just, I was a player. I used girls for sex because I-,” he paused, hanging his head, “I wanted to feel something other than pain. That stopped my senior year when my mom died.” He was quiet as he spoke, as if saying it louder would make the words even more painful.  
She wrapped an arm around his and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry, John. I’m sure she was amazing.” She tried to imagine having an amazing mother. Her father was a deadbeat, so she understood that side. But a mom that loved her kids? It didn’t seem real.

“She was the only thing that could make me smile,” he said softly, then quickly regained him composure. “But it made me realize that women like her don’t deserve to be used.” He shook his head. “I went up to every girl I slept with and just awkwardly apologized,” he cringed. “I got slapped a few times, not to say I didn’t deserve it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I probably would have slept with someone like you in high school.” She knew it didn’t make it any better, but she knew it was true.

John scratched his neck nervously. “I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if I had done that to you. I hate who I used to be.” He didn’t understand what you were saying, because he didn’t see the girl that could sleep around. He didn’t know you back then. She thanked her lucky stars that he didn’t.

“John, so do I. I hate who I was in high school I slept with players. It’s okay. We’re different now.” She leaned on his chest so that she was able to hear his heartbeat. It calmed her, in a sense.

Soon, she found herself inches away from his lips, a magnetic force between the two of them. “I think I’m falling for you,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

John kissed her back softly. “I’m already down deep.” He smiled against her lips. “I couldn’t be happier.”

“What did I do to deserve you,” she breathed between his kisses.

“I hope I can be everything you deserve,” he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment or kudos and I'll love you forever!
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	10. Plays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't think I'm supposed to be talking to you."

Sarah’s second class was the next morning, so she left your dorm with a quick kiss placed on John’s forehead and a note on the counter. The moment she walked in the door, she recognized only one person and, unfortunately, he was wearing a magenta coat. 

She scanned the room, looking for an open seat, but the only one open was a mere two seats away from Thomas. She put her guard up and took the seat.

As soon as she sat down, he tapped the boy sitting next to her, slipped him a twenty, and switched seats with him. It was a very smooth transition, and she couldn’t help it when she caught his eye.

She immediately went into defense mode. “I don’t think I’m supposed to be talking to you.”  
“Why not?” He smiled, leaning in towards her slightly.

“Because my brother is Alexander Hamilton, that’s why,” she snapped back, producing a scowl.

“I’m very aware of who your brother is, hon,” Thomas said with a nod, the smile still plastered all over his face.

“Then why are you talking to me?” If Thomas hated Alexander as much as her brother hated him, then there would be no logical explanation to why he would want to speak to her.

Thomas shrugged. “Maybe I like to flirt with danger.” Then, he winked. Sarah almost gagged. Clearly, Thomas didn’t care about the logical explanation; he cared about how he was going to have fun.

“Well, I’m not very dangerous and I have a boyfriend.” She decided to put it right out there, though she was fairly certain that he already knew based on John’s little display the other day.

“Valid point. Maybe I just like your company.” If Sarah were any other girl that had any other brother, she might have fallen for his charm. Even with the brother she had, she still had to fight the urge to smile.

“Interesting, because I don’t seem to be enjoying yours.” Luckily, her wit had her back and she was able to fire words out of her mouth like they were nothing.

He pretended to be shot. “Well darlin’ I’m just hurt.” Sarah tried not to notice the similarities between John’s accent and his, but they were eerily close. John’s was better.

“Everyone I’ve talked to says that you’re an ass.” That was the truth. Yes, it was true that she had only really spoken to Alex’s friends, but they all came to the same conclusion.

“People say a lot of things. Wouldn’t you rather find out yourself?”

“As long as you don’t tell John or Alex,” she replied with a slight smile. She couldn’t help herself. She was intrigued. If she only saw him in this class, it wouldn’t turn into a problem.

Thomas grinned. “You have my word. Now, tell me all you ‘know’ about me.”

“Captain of the football team and the biggest douche on campus,” she answered simply.   
Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t even exaggerating what the others had said.

“Well you’ve got the first part down,” Thomas chuckled.

“Well, if I’ve got the second part wrong, what’s the truth?” She asked curiously.

“I am the captain of the football team, maybe I could be your cap-“ he stopped and chuckled, waving his hand in the air. “Sorry, no flirting, you’ve got a boyfriend that could probably ruin me.”

“That’s very true, he probably could. Though, I still haven’t heard that second part,” she replied, trying to make nothing out of his failed attempt at flirting. He probably did that with every girl.

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Huh. Well, maybe you will,” he grinned.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, challenging him with her eyes.

Thomas was about to lean in and tell her when the professor came in. He passed Sarah a note that with the words ‘you’ll see’ written on it. She rolled her eyes and slipped it under her notebook.

The professor handed out the assignment for a semester long project and began to read out partner lists. Sarah and Thomas were the second pair on the list. “Well, fuck,” she muttered under her breath.

“Well, well, John’s going to be thrilled,” Thomas replied with a slight grin.

Sarah glared at him. “Just, don’t try anything, okay? We should probably meet sometime this week to work on our proposal.”

Thomas leaned on his elbow and smiled. “A proposal? Already? Well I did plan to wait until the ring came in but what the hell.” His cocky attitude was getting old. Sarah planned to put an end to that really quick.

“Our project proposal. Don’t be an ass.” Then, she sent a text to Alex and John that only said the words ‘my dorm. Five minutes.’

“Oh that proposal. Right,” Thomas said, pretending to be surprised. “So, we have to write a play.”  
John sent Sarah back a text that said, ‘Class is out in ten, can I meet you then?’

“We have to write a play, so the concept is due in two weeks,” Sarah replied as she tapped out her reply to John onto her phone.

‘See you then. God, I can’t wait to see you.’

John replied, ‘You too ☺.’

“Okay, so are we doing a super easy A cliché love story or something deeper?” He asked, trying to pull her away from her phone.

“I’d rather not write a love story with you, to be perfectly honest, but it’s one of the themes,” she sighed, finally looking up at him and putting her phone back on the desk.

Thomas pretended to be offended, but then said, “Well, we could always put a twist on it.”

“What sort of twist were you thinking?” Based on the debate she watched, Thomas was smart. It would be dumb of her to not at least here the man out.

“Okay, hear me out here. Person A falls in love with Person B, but Person B doesn’t want to get close to them for some reason. Then, it’s later revealed after all the drama and love and angst that Person B is really a ghost and has been the entire time.”

“That’s… quite the twist. We can work with it, I guess.” Secretly, she loved it, but she wasn’t about to express that to Thomas.

“Alright so,” he raised an eyebrow. “You wanna be Person A or Person B?”

“Person B. I think that would make more sense, don’t you?” 

Thomas nodded. John texted you that class just got out. ‘Want me to swing by your building and pick you up?’ 

‘Yes please, and come quickly.’

‘Will do.’

“John is coming, so you might want to stop sitting so close to me,” Sarah quipped. Throughout the whole process, Thomas had reached a spot where he was barely an inch away from her.

Thomas nodded and scooted away, sending her a wink and a smile. Not much later, John walked into the class and smiled at her.

She stood up immediately and kissed him tenderly on the lips. “Hey! Let’s go!” She tried to get him to leave before he saw Thomas, but nothing was ever that easy.

John kissed her back quickly and then leaned down to grab her bag, but spotted Thomas at the same time. “Jefferson,” he sneered. 

“Romeo,” Thomas grinned. Then he turned to Sarah and said, “So we’ll work on that love scene in two days?” John stood behind her and he purposefully kept eye contact with him.

“Yes, Thomas, we’ll work on our project for school in two days. I’ll see you then.” She then grabbed John’s hand and brought him outside to avoid any further conflict with Thomas.

John took a deep, calming breath. “Please explain before I walk back in there and destroy him in his entirity?” His face was turning a deep shade of red.

Sarah sighed. “We just got assigned our semester long prohect and the professor put the two of us together. We have to write a play with the theme of love. I promise I didn’t choose him.”

John sighed in relief. “Good. Although, if you need me to fight him…” He trailed off.

She smiled. “You’ll be my first call. Now I just have to tell Alex.”

John intertwined her fingers with his and led her to the car. “Good luck with that one babe.”

“Oh no, you’re coming with me. I’m not doing that alone. He should be at my dorm soon.”

John held open the car door for her as she plopped into her seat. “I planned on it. Better us do it now then have Thomas do it like an asshat.”

She fiddled with her hands as she sat in the car. Telling Alex anything unpleasant was enough to make her nervous. “That’s true. I hope he doesn’t freak out.”

“He won’t,” he hesitated, “Probably.”

It didn’t take long to get back to John and Alex’s dorm due to the campus being fairly small. “The moment of truth,” she said, taking a breath and getting out of the car.

John took her hand. “He’ll be fine, seriously.”

He squeezed her hand and opened the door, which for some reason Alex always kept unlocked. His excuse was that he could ‘fight anyone who walked through that door anyway’. Alex was sitting on the couch typing on his laptop when the two of them walked in. Sarah put a big smile on her face and exclaimed, “Alex! My favorite brother!”

Alex looked up from his laptop suspiciously. “You never call me that.”

“Maybe that wasn’t the best line to open with,” John whispered, walking over to the kitchen to grab a water bottle. Sarah stayed in her place by the door.

“But it’s true!” She said, trying to cover it up. “I have to tell you something that you’re not going to like. So, just remember that you’re my favorite brother.”

“Go on,” Alex said, putting his laptop to the side of him, clearly intrigued.

“I got assigned to do my semester project to write a play about love with Thomas Jefferson,” she spit out as quickly as she could.

Alex’s eyes grew wide as he cried out, “What?!”

“It’s for my gen ed english class,” she paused. “Alex, c’mon, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“You won’t have any contact, physical or emotional,” he said, his voice practically dead.

“Emotional?” John asked curiously. “Why would there be emotional contact?”

“It’s a play, Alex. We’re going to have some contact,” she looked at John, “but nothing real.”

Alex pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why on Earth did you decide to work with him?” By the end of his question, he was standing and pacing his side of the room.

“I didn’t decide anything!” She exclaimed, crossing her arms. “It was chosen for me!”

“Who exactly is this idiotic professor?” Alex huffed.

“I don’t know. Professor Adams, I think?”

“John Adams?” Alex asked. When she nodded ‘yes’ in reply, he immediately scoffed and threw his head to the side.

“Here we go,” John groaned.

“John, tell him it’s not a big deal. It’s only a semester, Alex,” Sarah tried to convince him.

“John Adams is a lousy excuse for a professor,” Alex scoffed. “He probably found his damn degree online.”

“He gave Alex a ‘C’ on his English thesis last year,” John whispered.

“Oh, poor Alex got a ‘C’. How will you ever survive?” She asked sarcastically, starting to get irritated.

“Hey, that thesis was excellent!” Alex exclaimed.

John grabbed Sarah’s hand and rolled his eyes. “Alex, it’ll be fine. If he tries anything, we’ll just beat his ass. No big deal,” he shrugged.

“He won’t try anything. I won’t let him,” she insisted.

“He better not try anything,” Alex grumbled.

“I think that means he’s accepted it,” John grinned.

“Thank god. But still, I know you, Alex. No going to my professor to try to change it. Promise me.”

“Promise,” Alex grumbled, defeated, going back to typing on his computer.

“Well, that went better than expected. But, if he tries anything, don’t think I’ll hesitate.” John’s words were somewhat nice, but his expression wasn’t. The thought of Thomas Jefferson close to Sarah made him sick to his stomach, but the match was inevitable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop a comment or kudos and I'll love you forever!
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	11. First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're really interesting."

Overloaded with work from the new semester, Sarah plopped down on John’s bed and began to work. John lay next to her, watching her type away but not doing anything himself. She glanced at him a few times, but he still didn’t move.

“Aren’t you going to do any homework?” She asked, pausing for a moment.

John chuckled. “No, but you’re funny, babe.” 

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Seriously, how do you get by? I never see you doing your work, ever. Are you failing all of your classes? Oh my god, please don’t tell me you’re failing your classes.”

It was right then that Alex walked into the room carrying his laptop. He responded for John, saying, “No, he gets everything done within an hour and still gets great grades. It’s ridiculous.”   
Sarah and John both raised an eyebrow at him, wondering why he was there in the first place. Alex took the cue. “What? I got lonely.” Sarah laughed.

“So are you a certifiable genius or something?” She asked, no longer focused on the homework in front of her.

“No, of course not. I’m just a fast worker.” Alex scoffed. “It’s true!” John insisted.

Their happy little moment was interrupted with a Sarah’s phone ringing and Thomas’s name displayed on the screen. Alex stopped working and looked at Sarah, his eyes practically on fire. John sat up and quickly said, “Answer it.”

Sarah paused, but then did as he said. “Hello?”

“Ah, just the lady I was hoping to hear from,” he replied with his sick southern drawl. His act of being a southern bell was really amusing to Sarah, but she still had to constantly remind herself that he was just playing a game and she was one of the pawns.

“Well, you were the one that called me…” Sarah said, trailing off. She then nervously glanced at Alex and John who both had hard stares on their faces.

“Great point, darling.” She cringed at the pet name. “How’s about we meet over coffee to work out some details of the play. I have some great ideas I want to discuss with you.” 

At some point while Thomas was talking, John mouthed, ‘What’s he saying?’ 

“Do you want to meet earlier, Thomas?” Sarah looked at John so he got the message. He immediately rolled his eyes and slumped back down onto the bed.

“We could do it now?” Thomas asked. John pressed his lips together tightly, waiting for what she would say. Alex stayed silent and kept his focus on the ground, trying to keep his cool.

“Yeah, I guess I could come out now…” If anything, she wanted to get this whole process over with. The sooner they worked on the project, the faster they would be done. Thomas made her feel different. She felt guilty every time she was with him.

“Great! Meet you at that corner café right by the entrance of the dorms?” Thomas asked. Sarah could practically hear the smile on his face, but didn’t let it show on her face.

“I’ll be there in five.” She clicked the phone off and locked it. “I’m sorry, guys.”

“Why are you sorry?” Alex asked with an accusing tone. 

“I’ve gotta go meet Thomas now,” she stated as if the choice hadn’t been hers, when in reality she didn’t have to go at all if she really didn’t want to. But, there was a small part of her that was excited. She tried to push it down. Alex went back to working on his computer.

“You were just with him,” John groaned.

“Yeah, I know. He just said that he wanted to meet now instead,” she replied simply.

Alex looked up from his laptop but decided not to intervene. He wasn’t looking to start a fight on that particular day. “Do you need a ride?” John asked.

“No, we’re just going to the café by the entrance to the dorms. I’ll walk.” Sarah stood up and slung her bag around her shoulder after she put her laptop inside of it.

John got up from the bed with her after a moment. “I’ll walk you down,” he decided. Sarah nodded and the two of them went.

Alex didn’t say a word.

When they arrived at the café, they stood outside the door while Thomas already sat inside. John stared at him for a moment, but then took a breath and said, “Alright babe, I’ll see you later, okay?” He pecked her cheek with a smile. “Call me if you need me.”

“I will,” Sarah smiled. She wiped it off her face as soon as she and Thomas locked eyes.   
“Thomas.” It was a greeting, though not considered a very polite one. Thomas took it all in stride.

“Hello darling,” he grinned. Sarah tried not to let his name for her bother her, but it was so personal. ‘Darling’ wasn’t a casual name. “John not want to come in for some reason?” She rolled her eyes at his fake innocent act.

“You know very well why he didn’t,” she replied, raising her eyebows.

Thomas chuckled. “I’m sure I don’t. Would you like something to drink or eat?” Her face softened at his politeness, but then she shook her head.

“That’s okay.” She paused. “This is strictly business, right Thomas?”

Thomas looked offended, as if he’d never suggest anything else. “Of course, strictly business. Unless you want it to be more,” he winked. 

Sarah sighed, “You’re killing me, Thomas.”

“Really now?” He raised an eyebrow, taunting her with his eyes. She looked away and took a deep breath, trying not to play his game, but it was so easy to fall into his trap. At the same time, was it really a trap if she willingly went in?

After a moment, she decided to change the subject, “Let’s just work on the project okay? I think it’ll be good if we start with our character’s back stories.”

Thomas nodded, producing a ‘business’ look on his face. “Okay, right. So, this guy is in high school, right? Or is he in college?”

She weighed the options for a moment. “College works. It’s more relatable.” Thomas smiled in agreement. “But here’s the real question. How did she die?”

Thomas began to think, but it didn’t take him long to produce an answer. “Suicide?” He asked. Sarah swallowed hard. It made sense, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Her tone shifted as she replied, “I-I can work with that.” She cursed herself for stuttering. It was a tell tale sign that she was uncomfortable; a sign of her past life that she could not seem to erase.

He noticed the change in mood, but decided against saying anything. If he became as close to Sarah as he wanted to be, the answers would come with time. “Okay, so how does she kill herself? Slit wrists? Hanging? Eating disorder?” The ideas rolled off his tongue like they were nothing.

“Pills… Let’s do pills.”

“Alright, this is rolling right along!” Thomas exclaimed with a semi-forced smile. “Okay, one last thing. Why does she do it?” They needed the information for the play, of course, but at the same time he found himself intrigued to hear her answer.

Her response came quickly. “She doesn’t feel loved.” There was a pause as she thought of an explanation, and Thomas didn’t push her any further. “Maybe that’s why she’s a ghost. She has to stick around until she feels the love she never thought she had.”

Thomas’s eyes grew wide as he said slowly, in awe, “That’s perfect.” 

She let herself stay in the moment. “It’s real, but thank you.” His face softened.

Then, he made the decision to reach his hand across the table and gently take Sarah’s. To his surprise, she didn’t pull away right away. Genuinely, he asked, “Are you okay?”

Once they locked eyes, she moved her hands slightly and cleared her throat. “Yes, Thomas, I’m fine.”

He shook his head. “No, you aren’t.” Then, he sighed, trying to decide his words. “Listen, I may be a dick sometimes but I’m not heartless. If this subject is too touchy we don’t have to do it on this.”

She shook her head as well. “We’ll get a better grade. I actually think it could be really good.”   
She didn’t look him in the eyes as she said this. There was always too much truth in someone’s eyes.

Thomas narrowed his eyes slightly and smiled. “You’re really interesting.”

Sarah quickly ignored the comment. “What about the boy? What’s his backstory?”

As always, the words and the story came to him naturally. “Definitely the average, and I mean literally average kid. Straight C student all of his life, lone wolf, doesn't believe life has anything good to offer him.” His eyes widened as an idea came to him right then and there. “He tries to commit suicide and she stops him.”

Sarah paused. “Why would he want to do that?”

“Maybe he was tired of not being wanted or being pushed to be anything more,” Thomas shrugged. He played it off as nothing, but Sarah could see the pain in his eyes. They held the truth.

“You’re very interesting, Thomas,” Sarah replied with a real smile. He took noticed and smiled back right away. He was nothing if not interested in her.

He leaned forward on his elbows, saying, “Do explain.”

“I’m assuming part of that had to be true?”

He blushed, “No, no it’s not.”

Then, Sarah felt more awkward than she had ever felt. She had projected her feelings and backstory onto Thomas and forced him to have a similar one. Still, she saw something in his eyes. There was always something in Thomas’s eyes. “Oh, alright,” she said, trying to cover her tracks.

Thomas looked down at the table and clasped his hands together, almost as if he were getting ready to confess something. “Maybe…” He began.

Sarah quickly cut in. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get personal.” She didn’t want to make him feel guilty and have him confess something that he wasn’t ready to say to her.

Thomas grinned, brushing off something uncomfortable once again. “It’s nothing. The past. Anyway, how do they meet?”

Sarah scrolled through the things she had written on her computer and muttered, “Well, they’ve got to fall for one another somehow…”

Thomas tilted his head to the side. “Maybe they’re into the same books?” He asked. Sarah looked up from her computer and smiled. She began to smile more and more as the day went on. 

“He could see her reading one of his favorites at the café.”

“Absolutely perfect!” Sarah laughed at his praised. “Maybe he’s really nervous about approaching her, so she like, beckons him over.” She could see him becoming more excited by the second.

“She’s looking for somebody to love, right? So she’ll do just about anything.”

“He’s got nothing to lose, but he still doesn’t take the chance,” he smiled. “At first that is.” 

Any sane person could see the similarities between Thomas and Sarah’s interaction in the classroom and the meeting they were describing, although it was in a bit of different way. Sarah didn’t care. She just kept going. It was a good story. “She convinces him by sitting next to him. She’s apprehensive at first, but they’ve got a great connection.”

“He can’t deny it.” He paused, “Of course, he could, but he would be lying. Soon, all he can think about is her and he searches for every excuse to see her or talk to her.”

“She wants to get closer to him, but she knows it would only hurt him in the end.” There was a bite of truth to her final words. But, of course, he decided to fight her.

“But maybe he needs that pain to feel something, anything again.”

She stared at him for a second, but then couldn’t handle the tension any longer. She had to get out of there to convince herself that nothing was happening. She began to pick up her things. “I should be going. I’ll send you a draft of the first scene as soon as I can.”

The color rose to Thomas’s cheeks as he picked up his things as well and kept his head down. “Right, uh, I’ll work on some filler stuff.” He slung his back over his shoulder. “Till next time, darling.”

Then, it was as if a switch flipped and Sarah snapped, “Don’t call me darling.” She left the café without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop a comment or a kudos and I'll love you forever!
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


End file.
